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via HelloGiggles.com

For those who aren’t current on my life events, I am searching for the best g-damn job in the PNW! Or at least, the best for me.


via Pinterest

When you first start searching again for a job, you’re rusty. I feel like I’ve looked for work more than any other person I’ve ever met, and I’m always surprised at how bad I am at it initially. I get pretty smooth after a couple of months, but then I get hired, and my mode changes to “job security and synergy” and I completely forget how to sleuth.

Today, I got an impromptu phone interview. This is how it’s supposed to go. “Your company does ____, and I do ____, ____, and achieved ____. Here’s what I can do for you!”

My first phone interview is always like the rookie pilot taking the jet out for the first time, or a teenager learning to drive a manual transmission. Clunky, uncomfortable, scary, and a little reckless. But it makes me nostalgic for my Improv days.

It’s sort of a sales job, so they asked me why I was interested in their company. I launched into a tangent about their line of work and how I couldn’t understand how anyone would be opposed to the current project they’re working on. “But some people are stupid.”

I said “stupid” in a job interview. There was a quick recovery after I said it, and I think it *kind* of worked to my advantage (you can teach sales skills but not passion!). A huge red alert that I really need to get my shit together and start rehearsing my one woman monologue song and dance about the greatness of Me. Which wouldn’t be a problem per say, except I hate singing about my work accomplishments.

I’m not the person you hire because they’re going to come in every day for 30 years and do a good job. I’m more of a human hurricane who’s capable of greatness, but not unlike Icarus, flies too close to the sun. Which is why I’m looking for work again. Most work is so rigid and inflexible. And damnit, I need a certain degree of freedom that 9-5, “normal” people jobs don’t allow. A degree of freedom on the wardrobe doesn’t hurt either. If I dress in a suit, I look like a child playing dress up.


via Pinterest

A career coach once told me that the job you want is basically a baby-sitting for the owner or manager’s baby. They want to know they can trust you with a baby. That was the analogy. Their world is this baby, and they have to know you can keep it alive.

And I suck with babies. I don’t really like them very much. However, I have sort of an awkward and unorthodox charm. Many people hire someone because they can reliably change a ton of diapers daily and know all the steps, but a lucky few hire me because I think of new songs to sing to the baby or new toys for him/her to play with and expand his/her mind. I’m not so good with routine, but I like to dazzle me some babies. And when they cry, I TOTALLY get it. I’m empathetic to babies, because I cry over stupid things constantly.

So bring me your babies, and watch me juggle. I swear, we’ll all have a good time!


via theodysseyonline.com