Today, my assignment was completed. When I accepted some contractual work in the fall of last year, I requested no long term assignments. There are plenty of reasons for this, the largest being my health. When you spend your days not knowing how you’ll feel from one minute to the next, you get better at being flexible. Life always throws curveballs, so sometimes it’s easier to ride the waves than fight the current.
My agent originally estimated that the job would last 2-3 weeks. Today, it has been about 3 months since I accepted that position. I got to work with a talented team full of good people. In the beginning, there were some bumps. Without having a long discussion about what was going on, I clarified with them early in what I could and could not do for the job. Even then, I ended being limited in even what I had thought I could do. Thanks to Neil Gaiman in an online video speech he did for some graduating college students about stating how if your work is good, you’re pleasant, and you’re on time, how far that goes. He said “You don’t even need all three,” and I had to hold my breath and hope he was right.
When 2015 started, I was optimistic. 2014 had been so hard. In a lot of ways, this past year has been far more difficult, and in other ways it has been easier. I traded the majority of emotional stress for physical. I began to accept that sometimes we don’t have all the answers, and although I initially thought I was developing patience, what I’m actually achieving is a kind of acceptance and peace in my life.
Another way of illustrating it is my parents’s method of letting me know what they want for Christmas. My mom and dad both like to tell me what they DON’T want. And when you begin to see what you don’t want in your life, you are at the start of the journey to find what your life can become. Obviously, you can’t control everything that comes along. But finding the good, the simple joys in savoring the present, is a good start. And yeah, it feels like bullshit when I’m sick and in pain, but it’s important to remember that as much as you can.
Cultivating relationships with your co-workers when you’re sick is challenging. I’m very self-conscious about how I come across to other people. And since I know my weaknesses pretty well, it makes me less confident. I’m not the same person at work that I am off of it. I don’t think people understood well why I wouldn’t sit with them at lunch, and honestly, I’m a weird person to eat lunch with anyway. Parker says I’m the loudest eater ever, and I always forget to bring silverware, so it’s like eating next to a wild animal. On top of that, I love reading, so sitting alone, or in my car when it’s warm enough, is kind of my signature move. It cracks my heart when I can’t sit in my car, chew my food, and stare at the blue, blue sky.
Despite my holding back, one of my superiors called me “Little Miss Sunshine.” She was always my favorite from the Little Miss and Mister books as a child. That’s the other good thing about having major or many weaknesses. You really grab onto your strengths and hold on for dear life.
I considered leaving before the contract was finished. My husband and I relocated due to the rising cost of living, and commuting each day was uncomfortable. I had to wake up earlier, be in the car longer, and it made me worry more. The car accident has had a lasting effect on my being in a vehicle.
But I liked working there, and the last contractor left on bad terms. I wanted to not only show the best me, but I wanted the company I worked with not to get hurt.
It’s also exciting to finish your job on the last day of the year. The end of the year is already brimming with possibility, and like I said in the last post, I get very caught up in the holidays.
An old friend told me earlier tonight that her husband had been in a car accident when one of his tires blew on the freeway. He is safe, but she said that it’s a reminder to cherish what we have and tell those we love that we love them. It was a reminder of how much I have.
I was hoping to spend the evening in the low roar of my friends’ voices and laughter, but when I returned home from work, my husband was lying in his coat on the couch where he’d been since around noon. When I asked why he had his coat on, he said, “Because I was cold.” I don’t get a lot of chances to take care of my husband since I’m the one who usually needs the caring for, but I put about 5 blankets over him while our dog sat on him to heal him with what our friend Til calls “Pooch Power.” He told me a few minutes ago that he’s feeling a little better.
I hope whoever and wherever you are, that you are having a good, safe New Year’s. It’s always important to remember our goals in life and to try our best to handle what comes our way. Blessings.