My hope when taking on this blog several years ago was to fill a void in me that longed for connection (I was homesick), strengthen my writing, and leave behind feelings that caused me discomfort.
It bothers me that I give so much of time to my physical well-being, and it’s still so rotten. My preference is to avoid talking about it, but sometimes there’s no avoiding it. In my better moments, I’m basically Wesley in the following picture. ESPECIALLY AT DOCTOR’S OFFICES. Like, “Oh, I have that now? I’d prefer not to sign up for this, but since I’ve been volunteered against my will like Hunger Games…let’s do this.”
Tonight, I missed an important Fellowship of the Rings (i.e. a wedding) due to pain. The good news is, it wasn’t mine. The bad news is, it’s not going to be the last time I miss a fun event. I’ve been more absent than not this year. It’s been rumored that talking out these things can help, and so I cannot avoid it. It’s the middle of the night, and every half hour for the last day has been spent trying to appease one part of my body or another that is in discomfort. It is like spinning plates.
Lying in bed tonight, yet another part of my shit body decided to squeal with unhappiness. I hate to say bad things about my body, because bodies are incredible. Even in a weakened and compromised state, I’m still thinking, feeling, hearing, seeing, moving (in recent cases, writhing), and tasting. These are incredible feats.
I fucking hate John Mayer’s music, but he’s right. My body is a wonderland. Although, lately, it’s more like a haunted theme park. Exciting in terms of there’s always something going on, but in a scary, confusing, you’re-probably-going-to-break-down-and-get-tortured kind of way.
Frustrated with the fact that yet another day of failing to improve had passed, I realized that most of my year has been spent this way. Again, there is much I have to be thankful for. But it was one of those breaking moments.
So if you’re looking for me, I’m over here lying down.
I’m sure there are many of you out there who relate to my tale. Perhaps you aren’t one of the “lucky” ones, but you have a friend who has some health problems. Bear with them. They are going through a lot. The below is likely their life motto next to “get used to it.”
But sources tell me that things have to get better eventually. I realized that the phrase, “Get busy living or get busy dying,” is a pretty bad slogan for someone whose immune system can be described as anything higher than medium. By all means, enjoy life as much as possible, but that command sentence should not be carried out. Repeat: do not interpret literally.
If things go well, and you “get some rest, (‘cuz they’ll) most likely kill you in the morning,” and you live through it, you might just make it to a brighter day. I hear they’re making a second season of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.