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Thanks, Buzzfeed. [From “27 Pictures that are just too real,” although apparently it was from Reddit before that. This picture gets around!]

This kid is the truth police, it is a bunch of b.s. that you can’t tell people how you’re actually feeling unless you’re Elliott Reed from Scrubs and are just blurting out your emotions and even then it’s frowned upon.

While one of my friends and I were agreeing about this, I remembered that I actually have a special scale of how I actually measure how I’m feeling. And because this is not the 1950’s, you don’t need to send away for a decoder ring. I’ll just tell you what it is.

“Good!”

My vow is to use more Paul Rudd gifs, because they are the BEST not unlike Paul Rudd. [http://donotcryout.tumblr.com/post/45942825756]

I’m doing awesome, actually, or I want you to believe I’m feeling awesome. It could also be that I had too much coffee, am about to have too much coffee, am drunk, or have something important to tell you so I’m rushing through this preliminary part of our conversation so we can talk about other things. Either way, I don’t want to overdo it with an “awesome,” so I’m using this classic as an exclamation.

“I’m doing well.”

I’m always surprised how many Naco Libre gifs I find without even trying. [reddit.com]

I remembered that this is the correct way to answer this question. You’re an adult, and I’m five, but I’d like to stay up later if that’s at all possible. You could also be my English teacher, and I’m showing you I definitely remember all those English lessons, even if this is the only one.

“I’m…okay.”

Finding a gif that embodies me when I say that is REALLY hard you guys. It’s not exactly confused OR surprised OR relaxed…etc. The closest I got was Arrested Development, which is now a feeling. It’s like amused, confused, and a little bit cute.

giphy.com

Reddit.com

Clearly, I’ve been saying good too often. It’s also possible that I remembered that line from my mini-movie, and if that’s the case I’m chuckling.

Then again, maybe I’m not actually okay, but I want you to think I’m okay so I said okay. I may not even know or I’m just not ready to talk about what’s behind it. I know this though: it pairs well with Buster’s juice box…or Lucille Bluth’s.

“I’m hanging in there.”

Is this not like the saddest fucking SpongeBob you’ve ever seen? Also, why is this an interactive painting? [http://fuckyeahreactiongifs.tumblr.com/post/29099478252]

If you hear me say this, then I’m sad and A) Don’t want to talk about it, B) Want to talk about it, but don’t want to start crying or C) Self-conscious about my level of being sad, possibly because we’re at a funeral (both A and B could also be at a funeral, I just know that I’ve used this once at a funeral that I wasn’t *that* sad about)

“I’m all right.”

Reddit.com via giphy.com

I’m totally thinking about something more interesting than answering this question, and/or I’ve been using good too much again, and/or I’m better than hanging in there but not quite good enough to be “good!”

“Same shit, different day.”

You’ve time traveled or someone’s talking for me. Mayhaps an alien (or ten) who has taken over my body, because I don’t remember the last time I actually used this. Possibly when working a job I thought was UBER shitty.

…that actually was more complicated than simple. Whatever, finish your cereal so you can get that decoder ring you’ve been waiting for (or that rub on tattoo).

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