I debated posting prior to my birthday, but I held off. Birthday posts are always a little awkward, because I never know how to express how I feel about another year older. When I was younger, my mom took me to this Tex Mex restaurant where they put a MASSIVE sombrero on you and sing to you…although I don’t remember if they sing in English or “Cumpleanos Feliz.”
This month, I turned 30. I’ve had a little less than a decade to fear the onset of the triple decade, and I have to say, I felt far more morose the last few years than I did this year. Two of those were spent across the country from family and friends (which I’m sure contributed to the crappy ambiance) and a couple others were because my birthday “wasn’t how I pictured it.” When I turned 25 was when I remember the “I’m getting older” crisis beginning, and a sweet friend told me that “25 is the new 21.” Suffice to say, I felt better.
My cousin wished me a belated birthday the other day. Her birthday is several weeks after mine, and when I asked her what she was doing for hers and whether she was ready for 30, she said, no, she didn’t have plans and she wasn’t ready. “I expected so much more before 30,” she wrote me.
I expected to be a child genius and a bazillionaire by the time I was 30. Do I own my own private island? No. Am I crippled by debt? Sure. Have I done any talk shows lately promoting my awesome new movie? I have not, but I did use a “Celebrity Baby Name Generator” and found out Zach Braff and I are having a son named Suede. True story.
Once when I was little, I asked my grandma what the best thing was about getting old. She said, “You don’t care as much what people think. You feel more free to just be you and do what you want.” I try to think about that each year, and she’s right. This is why I haven’t made a 30 year old bucket list. Because I ain’t dead yet. My back sucks, but I don’t have a walker. I try to look at life the way Hurley from Lost does.
So in honor of my birthday, I made a list of things that I love to do that I’m making people I love do with me (and if you’re reading this, you can do this with your own friends if I don’t know you) in honor of my birthday.
- Play Celebrities
My version of this game is a three parter. Everyone writes down names of celebrities (characters/actors/musicians/etc) and puts them in a bag or hat. There are two teams which should be split evenly based on how good people are at guessing names or knowing each other (two of my friends are brothers who once won by a landslide and aren’t allowed to be on the same team anymore). In the first round, each team tries to guess as many names as possible from their one teammate who can describe in words or act out who it is. After both teams take turns and guess all the names in the hat, you move on to Round 2 which is you get ONE word and charades. Round 3 is just charades.
Parker hates this game, but agreed to play it with me. We haven’t played it yet, BUT WE’RE GONNA!
This game is not to be confused with ANOTHER game one of my friends calls Celebrities where everyone writes down the name of a character, an actor, politician, musician, etc., on a piece of paper. Then you pass to your left (or right) and that person WITHOUT looking at the paper, puts it on their head. So you can see everyone else’s and they can see yours, but nobody can see their own piece of paper. Then you have to guess who you are, and the room can only answer yes or no. If you get a no, it’s the next person’s turn. If you get a yes, you can keep guessing. I would actually play this for my birthday too, but I’m way worse at this game.
Last time we got together with friends and played this, I wrote down the name of one our friends that we love but who wasn’t present at the party. It got pretty weird when the person who got the name asked if they “performed.”
- Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical
Based on the original movie and the Broadway show, this Showtime movie was delayed from coming out due to 9/11. Kristen Bell has a scene that anyone who has a crush on her just has to see, because it is so hot. Also, there’s a cartoon sequence where a guy fucks a brownie. Yet, most people I know do not like the movie because of how over the top it is. For added awesome re-watching, try it with commentary.
- John Mulaney’s New in Town
I’m not too pumped about his new show, but my favorite comedian John Mulaney has a special on Netflix. It’s pretty fantastic, and I have to emotionally chloroform myself to not quote him constantly when I’m in the presence of others. Parker and I often talk in John Mulaney.
- Read Chuck Klosterman
I’ve come to accept that my favorite book of his is Downtown Owl. My least favorite is Eating the Dinosaur which I have not finished, and I would probably steer clear of The Visible Man.
- Roll around on the floor with a dog
HEY! It’s my birthday, and that’s what I think you should do. Just make sure it’s a fairly clean dog (and floor). It’ll make your day better, I swear!
- Text a friend whose number you have but who doesn’t have your number
Make sure it’s all in good fun, and that they eventually find out who you are. Do NOT be Christopher Walken’s character on that SNL 90’s prank show with Jimmy Fallon. Don’t be creepy or mean. Just shower them with your awesomeness. I once had an hour long texting conversation with someone who did not know who I was, and it was way better than actually hanging out with them.
- Eat brownie batter
Or cookie dough batter. Or ice cream. Just not the glass of fat you keep in the fridge.
- Have a shot
Unless you’re not of legal age, and then you should just have a Frappachino in a shot glass. I love having shots with friends. Especially tic tacs, because when I do, Til yells, “What the FUCK is a tic tac?” Except for last time, because he wasn’t physically present. That’s okay though, because even though it was good, it didn’t taste like a tic tac. So doesn’t count.
- Call your mom
She totally wants to hear from you. She told me so.
We recently went back to the first place I ever karaoked at as an adult (as in didn’t rent, because the first time I karaoked, my mom hired a KJ and the set up, because I REALLY wanted to karaoke), and it was INSANE. We got there too late to actually sing, but people who had in songs sang ALL the hits of the 90’s. The clientele was as strange as ever, and it warranted my husband to say, “The people watching here is way better,” and “I forgot how crazy it is here. There’s drunk, and then there’s Chopsticks drunk.”