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Well, sort of.

I used to have a shirt that stated I was a rocket scientist. My mom thought it was the funniest shirt ever. Thanks, Mom.

I would like to start this post off by saying two things: I hate women who constantly profess to the world how much they love their husbands. At a certain point, the bragging gets annoying, and you wonder how true all the wonderful things they do for that person are. Aren’t most of the best things the ones we tell others in person or through cards? Must we always declare to the world our love?

The second is a pre-cursor to what I’m about to say. It seems like direct opposition to my former statement, but you’ll understand why. I love my husband. I do. He’s got a strong work ethic, he’s romantic, he actually cleans, and right now he’s working hardcore back to back schedules that make me feel like a complete loser for sleeping more than he does and still being tired. I can’t complain around him ever…but I’m his wife so I still do (not really about him, just lots of other things). Mostly, I talk a lot in general.

I’m Ariel in this scenario. [assholedisney.tumblr.com] 

He’s also really smart. This is definitely something I’ve always hoped to find in a significant other. Most guys have a component of know-it-all pride, and although Parker is over all humble, he is still skeptical sometimes when I tell him things. Which is funny, because my mom is ridiculously skeptical of most everything almost all of the time, but anyway.

When I find out something Parker doesn’t know, I get REALLY excited. Don’t tell him, but I do. Even if it’s something little he wouldn’t know about like random facts. Which is what happened last night.

I was watching Comic Con panels online, because I get kind of Charlie Brown depressed every time I miss it. LOST is over, but they do tons of tv show panels. If there was a TV Con, I would totally go. I’ve been looking up Comic Con panels for the last month, and San Diego is the mother of all Comic Cons. The ones in Houston and Dallas weren’t super impressive, and the one in Portland looks pretty sparse (admittedly, I still have not looked up Seattle’s, because JR just went, so I know it’ll be another year. Maybe that’ll be cool!!).

Me: Parker! Ken Jeong is also a doctor!

Parker: Who?

Me: The Asian guy from Community. The one that’s so funny. He plays Señor Chang?

Parker: Yeah, he’s a doctor.

Me: How do you KNOW that? You don’t even watch the show.

Parker: …what else has he been in?

Me: The Hangover.

Parker: Who was he?

Me: …the guy who jumps naked out of the car and beats the shit out of everyone. He was also in Role Models. 

Frequently, I yell “OH!! That actor was totally in _____.” When I ask Parker if the person I see on screen is an actor in a film or tv show, he’s always like, “No, I don’t think so.” Or if I say, “Isn’t that the actress from…?” he just gives me this blank look or says, “I don’t KNOW!” Just tonight, we were watching Bunk, and I said, “That’s totally my favorite cop from Reno 911,” and Parker said, “Are you sure?” I was sooooo right! His name is Tom Lennon.

Me: You must hang out with him a lot if you know all this.

Parker: No, I think it was some publicity he did for The Hangover. Isn’t he a writer too?

Me: You knew he was a doctor! You tell me.

It turns out, he’s only done SOME writing. HA! Now Parker is just making stuff up. Also, I want to go to Dr. Ken, but he works in L.A., and probably doesn’t take insurance. He probably costs a million dollars or your first born child. I doubt he signs autographs to patients. Although maybe?

I know, Mickey. Me too. We can be the tin dog together. [25.media.tumblr.com]

Whatever, someday, we’ll have babies, and guess who’s going to stop any scientists making breast feeding possible for new dads? ME. Not that I’m against dads helping out, but these are my breasts and they’re glorious! Men can do plenty of things for babies. Feed after the mom has pumped and her nipples are raw and bleeding (sorry future moms, nobody told you for a reason…it’s a trap!), change diapers, and other stuff! One of my inventions will naturally be how to make a better diaper (if you come up with it first, credit me, and I get all the free diapers I can stand.). Of course, I have tons of great ideas about how to make the world a better place, but I never married a scientist. Maybe I’ll convince Parker to become a scientist, and I can be the idea generator behind all our great ideas.

Little Weird’s “What I Want to be When I Grow up” List: 

  • Animator for Disney
  • Imagineer for Disney
    This is a real job! I saw it on a special in the ’90’s. They just sit around and think up cool things.
  • Screen writer
    Again, sitting around thinking up great ideas. You saw my previous post about making werewolf video games more sensible AND fun. I am great at that stuff.
  • Actress
  • Ideas to inspire inventors (or do some preliminary research to find out what people want improved. Spoiler alert: everything!)

My dad told me one day, “I have some excellent ideas. I think if people consulted me, we could make the world a much smoother, better oiled machine.” My mom always wants to market someone.

Okay, I’m going back to watching the panel now. Time to geek out!! I will not be relaying cool facts to Parker…apparently, he already knows them. Plus, he’s doing homework…or reading. He actually might be asleep again.