I always get 10 ideas at once. Usually, I write them down, but sometimes it’s the middle of the night or I’m busy with other stuff (work, usually), so I don’t get to write it when I have the idea. I go back, and then I’m always like, “Well, THAT was stupid!” …It’s nice to know that somewhere in me is a need to be a perfectionist (or whatever the runner-up to that is). I’m sure my family wishes it was directed more towards a career or exercising or eating healthy.
This time I got the ideas RIGHT before I got in the shower, so I couldn’t think of anything else until I got out. I tried to run them on a circle, and did this weird little dance (like that was going to help me remember!), but I think I’m forgetting one, and the other consists of part of a conversation with Parker. So I’ll just save that for another intro, since this is already so long.
“NIPPLE!” I hurt myself, screamed, and then wondered A) if my neighbor was home, and B) if he heard me. Then I thought about all the weird things he MAY hear me say. Hence this list.Most Common Things Heard from The Weird Button’s Apartment
- Temperance. She hates our neighbor, so sometimes she barks at him (and his girlfriend). Even if she sees him. ESPECIALLY if she sees him. She doesn’t believe me when I say he’s our friend. I think it’s the fact that he hauls his instruments around (but not loudly), the beard, and the tallness. (Now I’m accidentally quoting Sad Dog Diary, which is kind of disgusting–the diary, not me quoting it. I like Sad Cat Diary better.)
- The cat, Hera. I have vague ideas on why she cries, but half the time she does it for the same reason The Joker does anything. Because he hates Batman (or something).
- “HIGH FIVE!” This is said to either Parker or the dog. The ratio to quoting Borat to watching the movie is completely uneven.
- “WHY DO YOU HATE ME AND WANT ME TO LOSE?” Damn it, Candy Crush, I’m talking to you! “Come on!” and “Seriously?” are also contenders, usually about the game as well.
- “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” Every day and night when Parker tries to talk to me in his regular voice from the other room. It’s as if anywhere from two minutes to a day ago never happened, and I have magic ears. I’m glad I don’t, because that leads into the next one…
- “OMG, why are you being so loud? That’s not funny. Shut up. Go home. Can’t you drink at home?” This is INSIDE the apartment where I’m pretty sure THEY can’t hear me, but it’s said aloud about my OTHER neighbor, the restaurant next door in regards to the people who sit on the patio in 90-something-degree heat and humidity and turn on their microphones to talk. Why?
What I angry whisper later is, “What is that? Is that MUSIC?” They also play the worst music ever. It sounds like bad ringtones and I swear they play the same 3 phones every night on a speaker.
- “YAAAAAY!” This is said about anything good. Always when Parker comes home, with a few exceptions, one being I’m asleep.
- “What the FUCK?” This could be said about almost anything bad or confusing.
- “Ow.” Sometimes accompanied by the former.
- “WOO!” This is Parker, when he imitates Jay Pharaoh from SNL imitating Will Smith (see the Weekend Update). I’d link it, but I don’t want SNL to get upset. Besides, if you’ve ever seen Will Smith in a movie OR interview, it doesn’t need explaining. The double impersonation usually is followed by me laughing. There can never just be one “woo!” or one laugh following it. The worst is when Parker does it right in my ear. One time, he did it for so long, that he kind of lost his voice.
There you go. What about you guys? What are things you yell frequently then wonder if people heard you? (Really “fuck” is the worst word I use. I’m not very creative in terms of swearing.)