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I borrowed this from Little Miss Momma! Thanks, lady.

There HAS to be some sort of extensive cover on me when I sleep. That’s my insurance protection from monsters. Gnome sang?

“Gnome sang” means “do you know what I’m saying?” Say it aloud. It will get stuck in your vocabulary. It doesn’t mean “and then a gnome popped up and it was terrifying, and the covers protected me.” Although, if a gnome DOES pop up, I hope the blankets/sheets/cover come to my rescue. Or Parker punches it in the face and it melts. I assume the gnome would melt. Or its face would deflate like a kickball. Moving on.

I sing about what I do…sometimes when I’m pissed off. An ex-co-worker taught it to me. It helps you stay calm. She used to do this all the time, and it always made me laugh. Then we’d both laugh, and she’d say, “What?” like she didn’t even know she was singing.

…Which is why Marshall is my favorite character from How I Met Your Mother. Actually, he was my favorite before I knew he did this, but the episode “Spoiler Alert” solidified him forever.

I just spent way too long trying to find a clip of Marshall singing. Don’t find it, just watch the episode. Some ass hat taped the same partial clip over and over again. In five minutes, ten minutes, 15 minutes, and for 10 hours. WHY!?

I talk ALL the time. It drives Parker crazy!

Only child. Right here.

All my best editing is after I click “publish.”

If we become friends, or close friends, you’re probably a dude. Or all your closest friends are dudes. Because that’s how I roll.

Once, I met someone named Dragon. Okay, his nickname was Dragon. I still sometimes pretend that we are friends.

I *may* have gone through a phase where I named most of my sweaters. Because that’s what you do when you have more than two green sweaters, and your boyfriend-now-husband asks which one you want him to grab so you won’t be cold in the movie theater. Also, one of them looked like Oscar the Grouch fur.

Parker and I love Jason Steele’s online cartoon videos, but neither of us love Charlie the Unicorn the most.

Don’t ask me to go shoe shopping with you. That sounds boring.

I won’t cook for you, unless you like burned bacon. ‘Cuz that’s my specialty.

Even if we watch a movie together, I won’t watch it straight through, because I’m usually doing something else. Or taking breaks. This is because of Becca. She always did this, and it drove me crazy! Now I do it too.

And yell at the tv. So be prepared for THAT.

~

Okay, some of those things you don’t actually need to know, I just panicked on what you needed to know and said a bunch of things. Some of them ARE helpful though.

What about you, reader? What do I need to know to be your bff?

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