Tags

, , , , ,

In the last day, I decided to read a diary from 5 years ago.

I normally think of myself as delightfully quirky, and I am indeed proud of that. Even if it comes in little spurts throughout an otherwise outwardly normal looking personality.

What I remembered it as:

This diary was me in the craziest talespin ever. Usually reading my past is a mixed bag of lovely reminiscence with pangs of emotional turmoil. I like to think that the crazy vibes I emit are positive and beautiful.

This was NOT that.

The night I decided to drink the remainder of a bottle of Seagram's. [Copyright The Weird Button]

The night I decided to drink the remainder of a bottle of Seagram’s. [Copyright The Weird Button]

[Image/video not found, because I couldn’t find anything to accurately describe the total FUBAR 2/3 of a year spewing from the journal.]

I was lost in a world of post-college transience, causing pure calamity wherever I went. In my mind prior to reading this, I looked back fondly on that year. Upon reading it, I re-assessed my life.

I got a real-ish job. I moved into my own place and paying bills. The process of growing up began.

Parker and I became friends. Then I fell for him and refused to confide to anyone except Wifey (my roommate) whose trust and loyalty was unyielding. And I vowed that I would become an upstanding person and crumple the past into a ball. I wanted to be the good version of me. Not like The Darkest Timeline.

I haven’t burned the past. I’m tempted to, but I haven’t. I’m leaving it where it is…a reminder that I must never go back.

On the other hand, I’ve been playing a lot of the game Little Inferno courtesy of Steam, so who’s to say I won’t end up gutting half of that year?

The important thing is that five years ago was a turning point for me when I chose more definitively than ever before what I wanted my life to look like. The fact that a handsome, smart, amazing man happened to fall in love with me at the same time just happens to be a wonderful bonus. But that is a long story for another day.

Rachel from Community [Pinterest]. This is basically how I looked after '08. More of my old self again.

Rachel from Community [Pinterest]. This is basically how I looked after ’08. More of my old self again.

Advertisements