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Since I got back from my trip, I haven’t been posting much. There are several reasons for this, and stating it all feels like I’m writing a college paper/essay (and probably will for the rest of my life). Most importantly, when I try to, my posts aren’t turning out very great. Kind of like pottery class, which makes me happy NOW, because my mom is FINALLY letting go of the crappy pottery I made in elementary school and agreeing with my decision to throw it all AWAY (only took an upwards of 14 years). My mom loves my art, and that makes me happy, but sometimes she holds onto the worst art ever. And it’s always mine.

At this juncture, I’d like to state that I’m glad my mom doesn’t read my posts before I send them to “press” (we’re going to call it that since it sounds fancy!), because she’d probably be like “this…is beautiful.” That would be juxtaposed with her hatred of me putting things on the internet (not losing my soul, Ma), and she often confuses my writing in general with that of strangers’. It might be more like, “That’s beautiful…NEVER PUT THAT ON THE BLOG!” or “I love talking to you…don’t write this in your blog.” Or reading ANOTHER blog and telling people I wrote that. Mom, if you’re reading this, I love you, and please don’t freak out that I’m talking about this.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. Haven’t been posting due to Blog Perfection Syndrome (that’s mine, bitches, COINED IT!), similar topics, and other.

“Similar topics,” is the ambiguous way of saying I post a LOT about alcohol. So much so that I’m starting to think I have a problem. Which is deceiving, because I don’t do much in my current town, and as I learned when I go home, certain individuals drink waaaay more than me and are influential (both good and bad) over me. Since it’s not called “The Drinking Button,” I have to make an attempt at variety. I’m not going to stop posting about drinking, but I will TRY to post about other things for my namesake. (Sorry, Til, I know you’re horribly disappointed right now.)

As for “Other,” you know when you go on vacation? Coming back gets you all depressed, because you’re not off work doing what you want anymore. Returning from my hometown, while it made my allergies feel 80-110% better (there was a curve), makes me hopelessly depressed, anxious, and sends me into weird existential crises mode. Unlike Allie Brosh, the author of Hyperbole and a Half, I am no good at making funny posts about depression.

What compounded the “After Vacation: What Now?” Depression (I think I’m going to make brochures–I’ll keep you updated), a bunch of things happened back home. Without going into detail, I told Parker, “I know I can’t DO anything”–this also describes my anxiety–“but I wish I could at least be given the opportunity to worry CLOSER.” This makes me sound uber-creepy, but there’s family shit going on. So, it’s not like I’m stalking anyone.

EPSON MFP image

Also, one of my friends gave birth to her son! I stayed up until 4am last night to hear news, because they hadn’t decided on a name, I have no one’s cell phone number, and I am hyper-vigilant about making sure everything is “okay.” When my ex-bosses had THEIR baby, I happily freaked out until two weeks after the due date. Then I forgot until the baby announcement, and resumed my freak out after the baby was born (by like a week).

Last night was a whole new kind of adventure. This particular friend is someone I’ve known for (no joke) 22 years. Hence, I get really stoked when she’s pregnant in ways that I will never, ever get stoked for anyone else (not even me, because I will probably be on the edge of a nervous breakdown or freak out the ENTIRE time. Sucks to be you, baby. Also, Parker). Sorry, normal people! I finally went to bed, all the while yelling at Parker, “WHAT IS HIS NAME??? Is he HERE? WHAT’S HAPPENING?” Then I made him go through every name in Game of Thrones, because my friend told me they were “seriously considering a name from it.” They didn’t, and now I’m disappointed that I was misled. Of course, Parker made it all better by making a reference to the name. So now I feel better again. Spouses are awesome if you pick correctly (and of course, I’m a newbie, relatively speaking).

For someone who isn’t baby crazy, these are weird moments for me to have. But they do counteract the kind of fear and stress I normally feel. After all, it’s not MY baby, so it takes away the panic attack factor. Also, it gave me something to write about.

CONGRATS TO MY FRIENDS AND THEIR FAMILY ON THEIR NEW BABY! It takes a village. Because seriously, everyone needs some kind of assistance in child rearing. Even if that means you made a cake or “liked” a status.

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