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  1. I accidentally punched the dog in the face, and she looks like she genuinely feels bad that her head got in the way of my hand (to be fair, it totally did). Now we both look guilty (I say “look,” because I feel guilty too. I can’t vouch for how the dog feels, but she sure LOOKS like she feels bad).
  2. If I eat the mac and cheese really fast, I don’t have to share with Parker. Temperance will still end up with some of this, but we have an understanding. Plus, I could say no if I really wanted to. No, I couldn’t.
  3. Wishing that I had gotten multiple copies of the SAME card and bought them for everyone I know for their birthday. Really, this card works for everyone. Well, everyone who’s awesome. But whenever I do it, it loses its pizzazz.
  4. Someone may have fallen. Or dropped something. There was a cacophony in the hallway, and then silence. Legitimate dying may be happening. On the other hand, it could be a stranger trying to entrap me. I’m clearly a terrible person, because I’m not checking or calling. If I yell out, they know I’m here.
  5. I can’t believe we have to work tomorrow when our boss, the skilled one, is only going to be there an hour and a half. What are the minions and I (also a minion, not to get cocky) going to do? To quote Chelsea, “It’s going to be the longest day ever…”
  6. Tonight, I have thrown minuscule increments of mac and cheese noodles for the dog AND not hit the wall. This is some kind of world record where I outdo myself at nothing that would be a “real” record.
  7. I should make my own World Records, and I would be competing against myself. I would ALWAYS win. The dog could judge, and she loves me so I’d obviously make it.
  8. Good!! My neighbor is alive. There was no screaming, crying, or moaning, just walking noises. I feel bad, but my neighbor felt okay enough to walk up some stairs, so clearly, he’s going to be fine. I am not a doctor.
  9. Parker just called. I made a half-joke last night about him going to bed, and he took it seriously. Amusing, because sometimes I’m completely serious, and he doesn’t care. So I made him stay up with me. He, on the other hand, had to wake up before the dawn of ages to rock the day. His alarm went off and apparently he made the error of trying to wake ME up instead (our whole week has been thrown off by scheduling). He said, “You need to get up,” and according to him, I said, “No, YOU need to get up.” I was right, but to be fair, it could have just been a thing I said when I was tired.
  10. I think a lot of nonsense things.
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