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I met my friend, Jen, for lunch in the cutesy part of town the other day. We opted to stay in the area, because one of our friends lived nearby and it was between her house and mine. Our friend was being somewhat flaky, so he said he “may” hang out.

“He won’t be committed to it until he’s committed,” Jen explained.

After prowling around in the little shops and having a long conversation over lunch, I announced, “I am ready to sit on someone’s couch,” so we went to Mark’s. Whose car was not there. Jen’s voicemail started with “Hey Asshole, where are you?” and mine consisted of rambling (no surprise). We hung up our phones and stared at the apartment building.

“It says ‘No Trespassing,’ but stalking doesn’t count, right?” I asked. “We could scale the walls. There’s a fire escape.”

Mind you, I had a dress on, and there was a fence. However, that wasn’t stopping me from adventure and trying to creatively find a way to either embarrass or break into Mark’s place. It was late afternoon, and there were no authorities in sight.

“We are not climbing up the building,” Jen announced.

“It wouldn’t be that hard. Probably. Where’s your sense of adventure?” I teased. I was disheartened that she wasn’t more intent on following my lead, but it’s been awhile since she’s seen Spiderman.

While I was still considering the logistics of getting upstairs and how I wasn’t even sure which window in the apartment WAS his, Jen interrupted as we turned the corner of the building.

“I dreamed Mark lived in a bar last night, which isn’t far off,” Jen said. Mark lives next to a bar. I had dreamed of 80’s Don Draper (see Twitter to understand).

We opted to go to the bar next door. Mark texted us the SAME thing, as if we weren’t actually in cahoots, explaining that he was running errands with his girlfriend. Tempted to text him the same thing back, we both made similar comments, and had a drink while we wasted time talking until the next event.

When we saw Mark later that night, I told him my plan of either climbing the fire escape, heckling his window and annoying his neighbors, or scaling the bar and wall climbing from there.

Mark nodded approvingly and said curiously, “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to scale my building.”

There you have it, folks. I will have to break into Mark’s place some other time, because now I have permission and some drawn up ideas in my head on how. Not that I actually figured out which apartment is his, and not that Jen and I didn’t have a much more fantastic, less dangerous time at the bar. Of course, it’s not exactly a gentlemen’s agreement. More likely, Mark agreeing that it might be fun breaking into his own place.

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