My friend Kelly got engaged recently (Yay, Kelly!), and I found out today. It brought back a flurry of emotions and feelings, so I figured I would plant some advice to all the guys/gals out there who are getting/planning on getting married.
- Don’t plan a wedding in 4 months. It’s possible, but it will suck all the fun out of it.
- If you’re a woman (and possibly if you’re a guy, but less likely), you will get into repeated arguments with your mom. I had no idea I would ever, ever fight with my mom as much as I fought with her during my engagement (and probably the first 9 months from engagement through marriage). It was so, so horrible. You will have to remind her constantly that your mother-in-law is NOT replacing her, your fiancé’s family is not replacing yours, your children will obviously love her the most, etc., etc., etc. You will still probably get nasty emails from her if she’s feeling passive-aggressive.
- No one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do. It’s not because people don’t love you, it’s because your wedding isn’t about them. They’ll just want to know about the booze and whether they can bring a date. Believe me, when they get married, they will return this feeling, and you will unintentionally do the same thing to them. You’ve probably already done this.
- If you are picking bridesmaids/groomsmen, you probably have people that you can tell (or have told you) that they are putting you in their wedding/would love to be in yours. Please find a way to let them down gently! I cannot stress this enough. I had a friend who I’d grown apart from but who had promised me years earlier that I would be in her wedding. She posted on Myspace bulletins her bridesmaids and how much she loooooved them. It was extremely hurtful. I had waited for her to make an excuse or take me aside, but she didn’t.
- You will learn to accept help or be forced to get super angry and do everything yourself. It’s your choice. Choose responsibly if you delegate.
- One of you will be strong and somewhat relaxed. The other will definitely cry too much, complain about how much you two have to do, and excuse yourself from a family function because you want to resist killing everyone you know. The better you guys support each other and help, the less likely this is to happen.
I have more, but that seems like more than enough for now.