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One of my favorite clients came in today. She’s a 60-something retired school teacher who isn’t afraid to swear in front of me. One time, when I was on the verge of tears, she brought me a frosty from Wendy’s, just because. Suffice to say, I love her.

Me: This is an awfully late pick up for you.
Her (head in hands): I know.
Me: Isn’t this Margarita Hour?
Her: I’m going over to (one of our other clients who she’s friends with) house after this for JUST that.

Last time I saw her, this happened.

Me: Hey, how are you?
Her: Not so great. We had a fundraiser last night, and I am SO hungover. I broke a glass vase that cost $50 that I got to give as a gift!
Me: Oh no!
Her: I have to replace that now. I shouldn’t have just set it in there.
Me: They don’t wrap things well these days. I have to hold out my hand to protect my bottles of wine on the way home from the store from rolling off my seat, like they’re my babies or something.
Her: I just bought a bottle of wine, but I think I’m going to take a night off and go back to bed when I leave here.

She also took a product that I was having trouble finding a home for off my hands today. Double score!

Her: My son adopted his baby.
Me: Oh congratulations!
Her: Thank you. They wanted to Skype with me at 1:30.
Me: …in the morning?
(Yes, I know, I sound like Liz Lemon)
Her: Apparently, they don’t clean up the baby in Amsterdam when it comes home from the hospital and it had pooped in the amniotic fluid, so she had poop on her head.
Me: What? Why??
Her: They don’t clean it until day two.
Me: That sounds unsanitary…
Her: So when they held the baby up, she still had some on her head.
Me: Ewwww.
Her: I said, “So my grandchild is a shit head?”

Did I mention I love this woman? She would win for Best Able to Make Me Actually Laugh at Work award.

Although, apparently in Amsterdam, they get a nanny who comes by for three hours every day for at least the first month. I already knew this one, but in Switzerland, new parents each get a year off work.

Ummm, why do people ever have babies in America?

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