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If I ever have kids, I’m probably going to regret writing this. However, I can never *not* say it every year, so I’ll just go on with it. In ten days, it will be 420. I always look forward to 4/20, although not for the “typical” reason.

4/20 is many things, but to me, it will always be the First Day I was Kissed.

I had been “dating” my boyfriend for almost a month. Like all relationships, there was peer pressure.

“When are you going to kiss me?” I interrogated him on the family cordless phone. I was pacing my room and probably picking paint off the wall like I was at the beginning of the month when he said, “Of course I like you too,” and I had responded with, “Cool.” I also said it first. But he declared his love before I did, so for the sake of avoiding the term “steamroller,” I’ll just say that it was almost even.

“Soon,” he promised.

“Don’t you like me?”

What I lacked in self-confidence, I made up for in my ability to talk to guys directly on the phone.

“Of course I do!”

“So when specifically?”

This enviably trait has not gone away–I know, reader. You identify or you’re super, super jealous. I want to know when shit is going down. I make lists for errands and groceries. I want to know who’s going to be at a party I’m attending, what we’ll be doing, and whether I should dress up or bring anything. I like to know what to expect from life, since it’s pretty random most of the time. To me, What to Expect When You’re Expecting should not be a series of books about babies. It should be a series of books about life. I totally would’ve read those at 14 when I was reminding my boyfriend to do his English homework, like he was reminding me to do math.

So we organized a time. Because “sometime in the distant future” wasn’t good enough. I was no cheetah feasting on antelope, I just wanted to do some making out. That’s all I wanted for a really long time, and I still enjoy kissing to this day. No brazen hussy was I, but I did want to kiss my boyfriend. That was the only day of the week either of us had open, and it was the first available day.

Did I mention it was 1999?

It was a Tuesday or Wednesday, and after recess, we got called into our homeroom. The teacher had the news on, so we knew it was a big deal. Columbine school had been attacked by its own students, two teenagers who killed 13 people and themselves. I was so scared for those kids, and at that moment, I knew that life would never be the same. We shed tears as students were ushered out of the school. Some came out later in body bags. It was a tragedy.

I shouldn’t have kept my grandma waiting that day, but after such a life changing experience, I was still a teenager, and I made out with my boyfriend behind the curtain of the school stage in the cafeteria in a chair that would be part of our school’s auction later that month. We must have kissed for about half an hour.

After that, he left with his family and I left with my grandma. That night and for awhile after we watched the news and my best friend and I talked about the Kip Kinkel shooting the year before. After a day or so, I let all my friends know that we’d kissed.

I’d still remember that kiss if it had happened any other day of the year, but because it happened on April 20, every year when people say “Columbine,” “Hitler’s Birthday,” or “Marijuana Day,” I remember a day that was bright in one corner of the universe, if only for a little while.

We broke up not long after, and I know that if we didn’t kiss that day, I would’ve missed my opportunity. I still think mine is the nicest version of that day. Even if we did break up causing me to listen to sappy country music.