I woke up, remembered what today was and almost called in. Except I stay home when I’m actually sick (which is too often), so I went against my will. It’s because of the calendar.

When I was ten, I had a really great fifth grade teacher. He loved science, and his excitement was contagious. The other thing he loved was jokes. By proxy, he loved April Fool’s Day.

Before the big day, he taught us tons of awesome ways to play pranks on our loved ones. Our homework was to play a prank on someone. One girl in my class switched her mom’s regular milk with skim, and her mom almost vomited. Someone covered the toilet with seran wrap and when her dad went to pee, it sprayed back up and went all over him. When I was younger, I had moved away for a year. My mom and dad aren’t together and weren’t when we moved. I figured the perfect April Fool’s joke would be to call my dad and tell him we were moving again.

I can count the number of times my dad has yelled at me, and that was one of them. He told me that it was a horribly mean thing to do to a person, and he hoped I would never move away again. I never played another April Fool’s joke on anyone intentionally again. Now, I live halfway across the country, but telling him sucked. I wonder if he remembers that April Fool’s Day as much as I do and if it crossed his mind when I told him I was moving. I know it crossed mine.

Later, I ended up dating someone whose birthday was on April Fool’s Day. I think the best prank I ever made was one year when we were broken up, I forgot his birthday. Not because it’s April Fool’s Day, but because it was the first day of the month and I woke up early. Also, we were broken up. I wasn’t on Facebook yet for it to remind me. He called my most of the way through the day and was royally pissed that I’d forgotten. I think I made up an excuse, but he probably didn’t buy it. It was years ago, so I don’t remember how long we argued that day. We fought a lot while we were dating on and off over the years, so I just remember snippets of arguments from back then.

Since I’m horrible at telling if people are joking, today kind of sucks in general. The first boyfriend I ever had once told me he hated Friday the 13th, but I feel that way about April Fool’s Day.

Although, when I was at work today, we got a bunch of boxes delivered. They’re technically for one of our clients, but for some reason, they got delivered to our business. When I called the lady they were addressed to at the company, she said, “Ha ha, it’s April 1st. Very funny, jokester.” She and I get along well, so unlike my dad and my ex-boyfriend, she didn’t yell at me.

“No, seriously, there are 15 boxes in our waiting area.” I’ll admit, it did put a smile on my face, because something off the wall had happened, I hadn’t been kidding when someone thought I was, and nobody yelled at me. I was pretty grateful for that, as I’ve come to regard today as “Today’s the day everyone discovers I don’t know what a joke is or haven’t realized what today is,” or “Today’s the day someone’s going to yell at me if I make a joke.” It is also the day I don’t celebrate anyone’s birthday anymore except with a text, but since there is no chance we’re ever getting back together, I don’t think he would care if I contacted him or not today.

The only good prank I ever really acknowledged was my best friend’s. She used to set her dad’s clock forward. He’d wake up thinking he was late for work, then when his kids yelled “April Fool’s!” he would take them to breakfast. It was a yearly tradition, so everyone expected it. I know, that’s kind of the opposite of April Fool’s Day. Once again, the best surprise is a planned one, apparently. At least in my book.

I still have a few hours left to get yelled at, but I can’t find my phone anywhere. I felt relieved earlier today when I couldn’t find my phone, but I really do now that I’ve remembered all this stuff.