JR: Sorry, I’m watching this soccer game where Mexicans play the US A on ESPN in the Aztec Stadium.
Someday, I’ll write an entry about my lack of enthusiasm (more or less) for sports (especially soccer), but I feel I need to mention it to explain how the following discussion came about.
Me: Does it look like an Aztec ruin? Because that would make it waaay cooler.
JR: Uh, no. Anyway, it’s zero to zero right now.
Me: You have to be really good to have been playing so long that you’re in the World Cup, and no one is scoring.
JR agrees. At this point, I make an attempt to spice up the sports talk.
Me: I really hope that doesn’t mean if USA loses, that they’d be sacrificed in traditional Aztec form.
JR (puzzled): Ummmm, I don’t think so. It’s never happened before. I’m sure we’d have heard about it. That would be reason to go to war with Mexico.
Me: Plus, no one would ever play them in soccer again. But what if that happened?? What if every country had to kill the team they played in typical, historical fashion? It would be awful, and sports would be outlawed…but what if?
JR (going from concerned to interested): How would America choose to do it?
Me: Well, a guillotine would be the French choice. I think death by fire is British or something. I wish Til or Ceef (our fellow history buffs) were here to help decide this!
JR: Seriously! …I guess it would have to be hanging. You know, the Old West and all.
We take a minute of silence due to this grim scenario that does not highlight the best of our nation and is made worse by the number of racial hangings that have taken place over the years even after hangings were outlawed.
Me: Pretty glad that’s no longer a thing.
JR: Yeaaah me too!
I take this moment to recommend His Girl Friday based on the play The Front Page about the news reporters who covered the last hanging and whether or not the guy was innocent. Rent the movie, watch it on Netflix, or see the play!
I don’t remember the context…but it might have had to do with Comic-Con which JR recently attended.
Me: You mean like how Clark Kent becomes Superman?
JR: Yeah! Totally like Superman.
Me: Think about how weird it would be. One minute, you’re at a desk. The next, you’re running through the mail room, throwing your glasses in someone’s face, ripping off your shirt. That’s gotta be a game changer.
JR: How many sets of clothes do you think he goes through? A lot. He must go shopping all the time.
Me: I bet he’s in some sort of neck to neck race with the Incredible Hulk as to who goes through more clothing. (In retrospect, it can’t really be a contest, because the Hulk can’t control or predict his anger…unless we’re talking the end of the last Avengers movie, and don’t get me started on that. I’m also not positive, because in some versions, the Man of Steel uses a phone booth. But where does he HIDE the clothes? What if someone steals them?)
JR: That would be a tough contest to judge. He probably shops at thrift stores.
Me: Not even your average thrift stores. We’re talking the one where you can get a pound of clothing for $15. It doesn’t even matter if they fit the Hulk, but Clark Kent requires office attire.